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Pull The Plug - Mixtape (1998)

by Logan Lynn

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1.
so you pull the plug on our friendship and throw away all that you have promised you throw it right into the garbage along with all that we have in common you throw it right into the garbage... - (Mothership Prelude) - well you are fucking crazy you're fucking crazy who am i to bring you along for this ride? have you been dying inside like i have? and maybe you are as confused as i am and maybe the flame is as hot for you as it is for me but i find that hard to believe when you are fucking crazy you're fucking crazy and things are exploding in our faces things are exploding in our faces
2.
Red Shag 05:13
pushing myself down the stairs and into the basement fearing i might still wake it after 13 years of red shag carpeting my memory the smell of dog having been washed out at least 28 motherfucking times then i am standing where sarah died i can feel it pulling me on top of it i can hardly breathe i can hardly breathe and through the rusted iron vent i can hear mama calling for me as i am flipped onto my stomach and through the rusted iron vent i can hear mama calling for me as i am flipped onto my stomach and then, a pain as it rips my soul at the seams hoping i will remember how to scream be strong and get it off of me or maybe daddy will finally come through for me and save me from this demon i can hardly breathe and through the rusted iron vent i can hear mama calling for me as i am flipped onto my stomach and through the rusted iron vent i can hear mama calling for me as i am flipped onto my stomach and then it finishes and then it finishes what it started i can feel it take something from me and say don't you tell anybody don't you fucking tell anybody i can hardly breathe i can hardly breathe and through the rusted iron vent i can hear mama calling for me as i am flipped onto my stomach and through the rusted iron vent i can hear mama calling for me as i am flipped onto my stomach
3.
I am holding myself Together with duct tape Unloading myself upon you Like the mothership Having finally blown the Candy coating over my Nuclear family to bits And things are exploding In our faces These fires have really been Burning us lately I am hoping for midnight In a half a minute And wishing for my animosity To leave my body And give me some privacy Who am I To bring you along For this ride Have you been Dying inside? Like I have Or maybe you are As confused as I am And maybe the flame Is as hot for you As it is for me But I find that hard to believe When you are fucking crazy I am holding myself Together with duct tape And wishing I could Tie myself down with A marijuana cigarette How many nights Will I be plagued With this circular thinking In the darkness? I lost count About two years After the baby died I know my mother Will never stop crying And she probably Never will forgive me for Being alive Yeah, it probably Should have been me who died But I just keep on living and living And living and living When you are fucking crazy You are fucking crazy Who am I To bring you Along for this ride Have you been Dying inside Like I have? Or maybe you are As confused as I am And maybe the flame Is as hot for you As it is for me But I find that hard to believe It's hard for me to believe When you are fucking crazy You are fucking crazy And things are exploding in our faces
4.
Gutter Trash 04:10
I have watched you waste your love on gutter trash I have stood by you while your heart was breaking in half And I have held your warm body next to mine while you were sleeping I have watched you spread yourself too thin while you were awake And now the moonlight is burning your glory And now I can see just where you want me to stay Try as I might to convince myself otherwise Try as I might to convince myself otherwise I have eyes for you only And I am watching you waste your frustration on these small people I am wanting you to notice who's never hurt you And I am and I am wishing you were in a better space in your head And I am wishing you away for a second Try as I might to convince myself otherwise Try as I might to convince myself otherwise I have eyes for you only And now the moonlight is burning your glory And now I can see just where you want me to stay Try as I might to convince myself otherwise Try as I might to convince myself otherwise I have eyes for you only...
5.
The sunlight is going down like clockwork this evening Just as it came into our lives this morning And we are left looking at each other through cold eyes And I know you have to see me The way that I can see you sometimes What I would give to believe that What I would give to believe that And I can feel my strength I can feel it I can feel my strength Beginning to exit Through the hole in my stomach lining Stepping over my feelings And explosions And bombs that have been Sorely mistreated But left, unexploded But left unexploded And I can make you cum But you will not go away from my thoughts And then And then I can feel myself falling down over you Like clockwork And I wonder how long I can hold my breath And I wonder why I am even doing this to myself When what I want to be doing is anything but When what you need me to be wanting is anything but Am I making you crazy again this evening Just like I did when we were first waking up this morning It's taken all of my strength to try and Mask what's been burning You're officially under my skin My friend And there is no fucking calamine For this bullshit so i pull my body apart limb for limb and put myself back together again - (Mothership Reprise) - but i find that hard to believe it's hard for me to believe when you are fucking crazy when you are fucking crazy you are fucking crazy you are fucking crazy and things are exploding in our faces things are exploding in our faces
6.
moving on from your part of my life looking back i am sad and i wonder what it was that knocked us down and tore me to shreds but it only takes me half a moment to remember - (Vocal Part 1) - and now i wish that i had not lowered my worth to touch the floor when less than a month has passed since i spent time on the ceiling since i spent time on the ceiling i have forgotten the you i fell in love with almost two years ago i've had enough for my life - (Vocal Part 2) - are you trying to find what makes me tick? cuz you are pretty damn close to finding it does your skeleton still have a soul inside of it? wish I hadn't been let down so hard i'm still trying to slow the bleeding get you out of my skin wash your smell from my sheets wash my hands of you and wash them good wash them til they are bleeding - (Vocal Part 3) - you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it you're a faggot and you know it
7.
big cock motherfucker big cock motherfucker big cock motherfucker big cock motherfucker And now, suddenly I can feel this I can taste your not wanting me I can feel your cold look burning a hole in my skin Without having to see it My stomach's erupting with violence My stomach's erupting with violence And at a time like this it's hard to be silent It's hard to keep quiet I am feeling the love pass from my body I am flushing two years down the toilet I am feeling the love pass from my body I am flushing two years down the toilet This bed is so cold without you in it This bed is stone cold and silent And at times like this it's hard to be quiet At times like this I wish I were violent All I really wanna do is peel that off the ceiling It's hard enough to wake up during wintertime Without having to see it I never cared much for the gray sky Never pictured myself alone For the rest of my life I need pills with smiling faces I need pills with smiling faces 'Cuz at a time like this I just want to take them And take them and take them This bed is so cold without you in it This bed is stone cold and silent And at times like this I wish I could be quiet
8.
Sofabed 04:17
so it's 8:30 and i am on the sofabed all by myself on this hideaway couch replaying all your words in stereo i am feeling alright about victory and having just been defeated but i would not change myself if you were me i would not change myself for the war machine and not for jesus i am exhausted and tired of feeling this for a minute there i would never come back "but he strengthens me" i tell myself while mama washes out the blood i am not going to break while the sink is red not while she is holding onto me i have let you change things enough i feel lucky that you haven't killed me and you're not gonna get the chance
9.
So it's been Nineteen hours since I lost hold of my surroundings I'm piecing them together as we speak I'm trying to overlook The snap! crackle! popping! of the LSD Does this mean you don't want to see me On the inside 'Cuz I've no chance to survive In this safe place This safe place Don't you wish we were on our way To outer space What are the rest of my kind Doing with their days Frying their balls off With jill in the morning I am sizzling away What is left of my brain And watching as it passes Still trying to overlook The snap! crackle! popping! of the LSD Does this mean you don't want to see me On the inside 'Cuz I've no chance to survive In this safe place This safe place I fucking wish we were on our way To outer space Don't you wish we were on our way To outer space?
10.
Ringing your doorbell with no reason in mind I am afraid of myself I wonder if you will be frightened Then I see your face Your sweet, sad eyes And for a minute then I can forget about this My fucked up life And I can see you I can see you Yes, I can stay and smoke for a bit And things inside look just lovely I wonder if you are as lonely as I am Then I see your face Your glossed over eyes And for a minute then I can forget about this Our dying friendship I can hear you crying I can hear it Three weeks and I'm still broken in half Been eating ecstasy like it were candy My spine can verify that I've got to leave this place Get lost in orbit I wish for one minute I could be free of this mess Because it is on it's way back I can almost feel it I can feel it...
11.
Mud 07:16
after piling on months this is where i have landed myself on top of shit and lava it's almost like i crawled out of forever from under your magazines they are still stuck to my forehead bet you he never gets stuck in your perfect mud well i am up to my red in it and this is how lousy i can be it will kill me to leave you but you will kill me if i stay in this town do you ever stop wishing for better half to find you? i would like to figure out the mystery and not have to be punished for it god i wish you weren't my only true friend i wish i had violence to be angry at i would have given you anything you seemed like my everything for such a long time how stupid and clumsy of me i have let you overwhelm me just like you thought i might just like you thought i might
12.
These are my staying awake nights Keeping myself entertained nights Making you out to be insane With trying not to fight I am alone in this restlessness I am coping with my busy life Not exposed to any true advice With a slippery hand In my mirror there is no hiding from this In my mirror I am still pretending That it is before my awakening That it is before my awakening So I am crying over nothing tonight You have been keeping me awake tonight Wish I could turn off your bright eyes Without causing a flash of light In my mirror there is no denying this In my mirror there is no hiding from this I am truly terrified And still I am pretending it's before my awakening That it is before my awakening Before my awakening
13.
Digging through Jennifer's garbage Looking for cigarette butts I am going to smoke Every last one of them With you laying awake Shake your head all you want I did not ask for your permission It was given to me It was given to me You are shrinking me (and I know that you love me) You are weakening my spirit (and I know you'll fuck me) I was so right to expect this I was so right I think I could have loved you forever Wipe the black from my eyes Pick myself up off this planet And notice how different I am Now I wait for my emotions to drain And then for my eyes (but I know that you love me) I am waiting for you To come back to your senses (and I know you'll fuck me) But I am wasting my time Putting my heart into boxes I am taping you shut All the power of jesus Wouldn't let me forget
14.
There is panic in my soul tonight Because there is nothing behind your eyes Telling me you are still in love with me And so it turns out that you were always right To predict how this will be ending But I was never listening I was blinded by the light of disillusionment I was always forgetting That I was not allowed to hold you so close Until you turned out the light I was to wait until you were sleeping And that was all that you could give me I knew you had to be awake sometimes And were just too afraid to stop pretending That this was not the safest place you had ever been And I keep wishing that you would reach out and touch me Reciprocate some of the safety But I could not get you to love me You could not be awakened And you will never be awake You will never be awake

about

Recorded in Portland, Oregon between October 1996 and February 1998, the songs on "Pull The Plug" are Logan Lynn's earliest recordings. He is 16, 17, and 18 years old here.

Some of these tracks were originally released on Logan Lynn's long out-of-print cassette mixtape "This Is Folk Techno" from 1998 and then later reworked by Portland Producer PFog for Lynn's debut record "GLEE", which was released in 2000.

Additionally, there are a few songs found here which have never been previously released, as they were just recently discovered in the basement of the studio where they were recorded over a decade before!

credits

released March 10, 1998

Music, Lyrics, and Vocals by Logan Lynn.

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Logan Lynn Portland, Oregon

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