1. |
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so you pull the plug on our friendship
and throw away all that you have promised
you throw it right into the garbage
along with all that we have in common
you throw it right into the garbage...
- (Mothership Prelude) -
well you are fucking crazy
you're fucking crazy
who am i to bring you along for this ride?
have you been dying inside like i have?
and maybe you are as confused as i am
and maybe the flame is as hot for you as it is for me
but i find that hard to believe
when you are fucking crazy
you're fucking crazy
and things are exploding in our faces
things are exploding in our faces
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2. |
Red Shag
05:13
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|
pushing myself down the stairs
and into the basement
fearing i might still wake it
after 13 years of red shag
carpeting my memory
the smell of dog
having been washed out
at least 28 motherfucking times
then i am standing where sarah died
i can feel it pulling me on top of it
i can hardly breathe
i can hardly breathe
and through the rusted iron vent
i can hear mama calling for me
as i am flipped onto my stomach
and through the rusted iron vent
i can hear mama calling for me
as i am flipped onto my stomach
and then, a pain
as it rips my soul at the seams
hoping i will remember how to scream
be strong and get it off of me
or maybe daddy will finally
come through for me
and save me from
this demon
i can hardly breathe
and through the rusted iron vent
i can hear mama calling for me
as i am flipped onto my stomach
and through the rusted iron vent
i can hear mama calling for me
as i am flipped onto my stomach
and then it finishes
and then it finishes what it started
i can feel it take something from me
and say
don't you tell anybody
don't you fucking tell anybody
i can hardly breathe
i can hardly breathe
and through the rusted iron vent
i can hear mama calling for me
as i am flipped onto my stomach
and through the rusted iron vent
i can hear mama calling for me
as i am flipped onto my stomach
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3. |
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I am holding myself
Together with duct tape
Unloading myself upon you
Like the mothership
Having finally blown the
Candy coating over my
Nuclear family to bits
And things are exploding
In our faces
These fires have really been
Burning us lately
I am hoping for midnight
In a half a minute
And wishing for my animosity
To leave my body
And give me some privacy
Who am I
To bring you along
For this ride
Have you been
Dying inside?
Like I have
Or maybe you are
As confused as I am
And maybe the flame
Is as hot for you
As it is for me
But I find that hard to believe
When you are fucking crazy
I am holding myself
Together with duct tape
And wishing I could
Tie myself down with
A marijuana cigarette
How many nights
Will I be plagued
With this circular thinking
In the darkness?
I lost count
About two years
After the baby died
I know my mother
Will never stop crying
And she probably
Never will forgive me for
Being alive
Yeah, it probably
Should have been me who died
But I just keep on living and living
And living and living
When you are fucking crazy
You are fucking crazy
Who am I
To bring you
Along for this ride
Have you been
Dying inside
Like I have?
Or maybe you are
As confused as I am
And maybe the flame
Is as hot for you
As it is for me
But I find that hard to believe
It's hard for me to believe
When you are fucking crazy
You are fucking crazy
And things are exploding in our faces
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4. |
Gutter Trash
04:10
|
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|
I have watched you waste your love on gutter trash
I have stood by you while your heart was breaking in half
And I have held your warm body next to mine while you were sleeping
I have watched you spread yourself too thin while you were awake
And now the moonlight is burning your glory
And now I can see just where you want me to stay
Try as I might to convince myself otherwise
Try as I might to convince myself otherwise
I have eyes for you only
And I am watching you waste your frustration on these small people
I am wanting you to notice who's never hurt you
And I am
and I am wishing you were in a better space in your head
And I am wishing you away for a second
Try as I might to convince myself otherwise
Try as I might to convince myself otherwise
I have eyes for you only
And now the moonlight is burning your glory
And now I can see just where you want me to stay
Try as I might to convince myself otherwise
Try as I might to convince myself otherwise
I have eyes for you only...
|
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5. |
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The sunlight is going down like clockwork this evening
Just as it came into our lives this morning
And we are left looking at each other through cold eyes
And I know you have to see me
The way that I can see you sometimes
What I would give to believe that
What I would give to believe that
And I can feel my strength
I can feel it
I can feel my strength
Beginning to exit
Through the hole in my stomach lining
Stepping over my feelings
And explosions
And bombs that have been
Sorely mistreated
But left, unexploded
But left unexploded
And I can make you cum
But you will not go away from my thoughts
And then
And then
I can feel myself falling down over you
Like clockwork
And I wonder how long I can hold my breath
And I wonder why I am even doing this to myself
When what I want to be doing is anything but
When what you need me to be wanting is anything but
Am I making you crazy again this evening
Just like I did when we were first waking up this morning
It's taken all of my strength to try and
Mask what's been burning
You're officially under my skin
My friend
And there is no fucking calamine
For this bullshit
so i pull my body apart limb for limb
and put myself back together again
- (Mothership Reprise) -
but i find that hard to believe
it's hard for me to believe
when you are fucking crazy
when you are
fucking crazy
you are fucking crazy
you are
fucking crazy
and things are exploding in our faces
things are exploding in our faces
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6. |
Time On The Ceiling
02:42
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moving on from your part of my life
looking back i am sad and i wonder
what it was that knocked us down
and tore me to shreds
but it only takes me half a moment
to remember
- (Vocal Part 1) -
and now i wish that i had not
lowered my worth to touch the floor
when less than a month has passed
since i spent time on the ceiling
since i spent time on the ceiling
i have forgotten the you i fell in love with
almost two years ago
i've had enough for my life
- (Vocal Part 2) -
are you trying to find what makes me tick?
cuz you are pretty damn close to finding it
does your skeleton still have a soul inside of it?
wish I hadn't been let down so hard
i'm still trying to slow the bleeding
get you out of my skin
wash your smell from my sheets
wash my hands of you
and wash them good
wash them til they are bleeding
- (Vocal Part 3) -
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
you're a faggot and you know it
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7. |
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big cock motherfucker
big cock motherfucker
big cock motherfucker
big cock motherfucker
And now, suddenly I can feel this
I can taste your not wanting me
I can feel your cold look burning a hole in my skin
Without having to see it
My stomach's erupting with violence
My stomach's erupting with violence
And at a time like this it's hard to be silent
It's hard to keep quiet
I am feeling the love pass from my body
I am flushing two years down the toilet
I am feeling the love pass from my body
I am flushing two years down the toilet
This bed is so cold without you in it
This bed is stone cold and silent
And at times like this it's hard to be quiet
At times like this I wish I were violent
All I really wanna do is peel that off the ceiling
It's hard enough to wake up during wintertime
Without having to see it
I never cared much for the gray sky
Never pictured myself alone
For the rest of my life
I need pills with smiling faces
I need pills with smiling faces
'Cuz at a time like this
I just want to take them
And take them and take them
This bed is so cold without you in it
This bed is stone cold and silent
And at times like this I wish I could be quiet
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8. |
Sofabed
04:17
|
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|
so it's 8:30 and i am on the sofabed
all by myself on this hideaway couch
replaying all your words in stereo
i am feeling alright about victory
and having just been defeated
but i would not change myself if you were me
i would not change myself for the war machine
and not for jesus
i am exhausted
and tired of feeling this
for a minute there
i would never come back
"but he strengthens me" i tell myself
while mama washes out the blood
i am not going to break while the sink is red
not while she is holding onto me
i have let you change things enough
i feel lucky that you haven't killed me
and you're not gonna get the chance
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9. |
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|
So it's been
Nineteen hours since
I lost hold of my surroundings
I'm piecing them together as we speak
I'm trying to overlook
The snap! crackle! popping! of the LSD
Does this mean you don't want to see me
On the inside
'Cuz I've no chance to survive
In this safe place
This safe place
Don't you wish we were on our way
To outer space
What are the rest of my kind
Doing with their days
Frying their balls off
With jill in the morning
I am sizzling away
What is left of my brain
And watching as it passes
Still trying to overlook
The snap! crackle! popping! of the LSD
Does this mean you don't want to see me
On the inside
'Cuz I've no chance to survive
In this safe place
This safe place
I fucking wish we were on our way
To outer space
Don't you wish we were on our way
To outer space?
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10. |
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Ringing your doorbell with no reason in mind
I am afraid of myself
I wonder if you will be frightened
Then I see your face
Your sweet, sad eyes
And for a minute then I can forget about this
My fucked up life
And I can see you
I can see you
Yes, I can stay and smoke for a bit
And things inside look just lovely
I wonder if you are as lonely as I am
Then I see your face
Your glossed over eyes
And for a minute then I can forget about this
Our dying friendship
I can hear you crying
I can hear it
Three weeks and I'm still broken in half
Been eating ecstasy like it were candy
My spine can verify that
I've got to leave this place
Get lost in orbit
I wish for one minute I could be free of this mess
Because it is on it's way back
I can almost feel it
I can feel it...
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11. |
Mud
07:16
|
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|
after piling on months
this is where i have landed myself
on top of shit
and lava
it's almost like i crawled out of forever
from under your magazines
they are still stuck to my forehead
bet you he never gets stuck
in your perfect mud
well i am up to my red in it
and this is how lousy i can be
it will kill me to leave you
but you will kill me if i stay in this town
do you ever stop wishing for better half
to find you?
i would like to figure out the mystery
and not have to be punished for it
god i wish you weren't my only true friend
i wish i had violence to be angry at
i would have given you anything
you seemed like my everything
for such a long time
how stupid and clumsy of me
i have let you overwhelm me
just like you thought i might
just like you thought i might
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12. |
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These are my staying awake nights
Keeping myself entertained nights
Making you out to be insane
With trying not to fight
I am alone in this restlessness
I am coping with my busy life
Not exposed to any true advice
With a slippery hand
In my mirror there is no hiding from this
In my mirror I am still pretending
That it is before my awakening
That it is before my awakening
So I am crying over nothing tonight
You have been keeping me awake tonight
Wish I could turn off your bright eyes
Without causing a flash of light
In my mirror there is no denying this
In my mirror there is no hiding from this
I am truly terrified
And still
I am pretending it's before my awakening
That it is before my awakening
Before my awakening
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13. |
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|
Digging through Jennifer's garbage
Looking for cigarette butts
I am going to smoke
Every last one of them
With you laying awake
Shake your head all you want
I did not ask for your permission
It was given to me
It was given to me
You are shrinking me
(and I know that you love me)
You are weakening my spirit
(and I know you'll fuck me)
I was so right to expect this
I was so right
I think I could have loved you forever
Wipe the black from my eyes
Pick myself up off this planet
And notice how different I am
Now I wait for my emotions to drain
And then for my eyes
(but I know that you love me)
I am waiting for you
To come back to your senses
(and I know you'll fuck me)
But I am wasting my time
Putting my heart into boxes
I am taping you shut
All the power of jesus
Wouldn't let me forget
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14. |
Panic (Original Version)
03:23
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There is panic in my soul tonight
Because there is nothing behind your eyes
Telling me you are still in love with me
And so it turns out that you were always right
To predict how this will be ending
But I was never listening
I was blinded by the light of disillusionment
I was always forgetting
That I was not allowed to hold you so close
Until you turned out the light
I was to wait until you were sleeping
And that was all that you could give me
I knew you had to be awake sometimes
And were just too afraid to stop pretending
That this was not the safest place you had ever been
And I keep wishing that you would reach out and touch me
Reciprocate some of the safety
But I could not get you to love me
You could not be awakened
And you will never be awake
You will never be awake
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Logan Lynn Portland, Oregon
New Money is out now on Kill Rock Stars! Pick up your copy on vinyl, CD + digital everywhere music is streamed and sold.
Logan Lynn recommends:
I produced this charity record. 36 bands, 45 songs, 15 bucks. 100% of album sales goes to benefit programs of Q Center which operates the LGBTQ Community Center & the queer youth center in Portland.
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